There are so many women that make having a baby their priority after a loss. 🙋♀️ yep, here I am! With Bransen we weren’t trying, so the timing is truly anyone’s guess. After we lost him, I went through a period where I felt empty. Not just emotionally, but physically too. It’s a feeling that can’t be described anyway but that. At my 6 week checkup our doctor told us that we were cleared to try again. I was so ready, Eric was not. We’ve had conversations since then and I know now that he really needed to take some time to decide if he were willing to take the chance on going through this situation again. Although the statistics are in our favor, life is unpredictable.
In August, we were both ready. I was still staying home with the kids, which in this situation hurt more. I spent more time during my day researching the things I could do to get pregnant faster. It sounds so weird now. I was consumed with getting pregnant. I did ovulation tests, scheduled our intimate time, ate the foods that the blogs recommended, etc. You name it, I was doing it. This went on for months. I became so focused on conceiving that it started to feel more like a job than anything else. I went to the doctor, had the necessary tests and still we weren’t pregnant.
It took Eric and I having a serious conversation about being content to make me realize that there isn’t a lot of control to be had in this situation. Side note: Eric made a friend when we were in the hospital delivering Bransen. Our resident was an Army Vet, and we were his first loss. He cried with us, sat in our room for hours keeping us company and was there when our son came into the world. He is genuinely a good man. He told Eric and I something that was brought up in our conversation that Eric reminded me of… the amount of things that MUST go right in order to conceive and deliver a healthy child are unbelievable. So unbelievable that science hasn’t figured them all out yet. As Eric reminded me of this, it’s like my world evened out again. I realized that if we are meant to have another biological child, it’s going to happen. We have to trust that our path is being led by the universe, and we have little control over the outcome.
Now, like I’ve said before, that DOES NOT make the months of negative tests any easier. Month after month we have gotten negatives. And it is so hard to remind myself to have patience. I struggle like all of you who have or are experiencing unexplained infertility. On those bad days I follow a few rules I’ve set for myself. 1. Hug my living children. They are an incredible blessing and all of the things that have to happen to create them, did. 2. Stay the hell off of Google, it will only hurt more. 3. Take 5 minutes to reflect on the things I DO have.
I hope that if you are experiencing infertility that the universe blesses you soon! I also hope those of you who haven’t experienced this, can empathize with someone who doesn’t come to the baby shower or doesn’t reach out when the baby is born. We are trying, but sometimes it’s hard.
Stay strong momma.
Xoxo
Becca
Momma Tribe 